PhD Imposter Syndrome

I was warned about it during my PhD orientation days: imposter syndrome. It's a graduate student sentiment, a feeling of not belonging of being a phony in a program where you are supposed to be one of the smartest. 

After almost four years I still wrestle with inadequacy. It creeps in everyone once in a while. A passing "your a fraud" thought or an idea about knowing less than I should. The voice of doubt screams, "Your research is garbage! You do not belong here!". There is very little good that arises from these moments. 

Of course, one virtue stumbles along behind imposter syndrome. It's quieter, gentler, and a much better companion. It's name is humility. Humility appears alongside vulnerability as a secret weapon for those willing to risk exposure as the fraud imposter syndrome claims you are.

Believe it or not, even as I reach the end of my four year PhD journey, I still wrestle with imposter syndrome. Thankfully, when I'm pinned down and feeling like a phony, humility quietly reminds me "I've got you. You're right where you need to be". 

Pastoral Education in 1840

Pastoral education has changed significantly since the 19th century. Historian William Westfall includes part of a letter penned by The Rev. Featherstone Lake Osler in a chapter of Learning to Practise: Professional Education in Historical and Contemporary Perspective. Osler's program of clergy apprenticeship appears to include a group of up-and-coming pastors learning from him in everyday life:

The following is the plan I pursue with regards to them. At 6 a.m. they meet in my study for Scripture reading. This engages them until half past seven, when we breakfast. Afterwards they study ... until evening.... We take an early tea, after which I give them three hours to correct their exercises, hear them read etc. By this means none of my public duties [is] neglected, as I attend to [the students] when my outdoor ... work is done.... On Sunday I send out two of them to ... different outposts to read prayers, superintend the Sunday schools and visit the sick.... One I keep home to assist me in my central Sunday school. (Westfall, 49).

Those eager students probably looked forward to that early tea! 

A photo of Rev. Featherstone Lake Osler.

What is "hard work"?

In the 1953 book, The University of Utopia, former University of Chicago president Robert M. Hutchins writes "Thought is hard work, but not all hard work is thought." (Hutchins, 36).

Later he argues:

... a university in which no unpopular opinions are heard or one which merges imperceptibly into the social and political environment can be presumed, until the contrary is proved, not to be doing its job. If a university is a center of independent thought and criticism, then a popular university is a contradiction in terms. (Hutchins, 88).

As I think about these citations from Hutchins I am reminded of the pastoral calling. What Hutchins calls "thought" could be redefined as "prayer" or "contemplation", disciplines that are challenging to practise in an age of technological ubiquity. 

Hutchins' thoughts on the university could also be true of theological schools, contexts of pastoral formation. These days, most theological schools are a long way from winning popularity contests. The Christian message, with its "foolishness of the cross" gospel (1 Cor. 1:18-31), is nonsensical and unpopular thereby preventing notions of grandeur. Theological educators are having to work "thoughtfully" and "prayerfully" in an age when popularity appears to be winning the day. Thank you to those guides who challenge pastors to the "hard work" of thinking critically and theologically.  

Virtual Virtue: Exploring the Fruitfulness of Online Pastoral Education

I will be presenting a paper at Tyndale Seminary's 2021 Wesley Studies Symposium on Zoom.

My presentation focuses on some of my PhD research findings, examining the role of technology on character formation in online pastoral education programs. 

The research is important for at least two reasons:

1. According to a 2019 article published by the Association of Theological Schools (ATS), 62% of ATS accredited schools were approved at that time to offer online distance education (Gin, Lester, Blogett, 2019). That represents almost two thirds of all accredited theological schools in North America.

2. Since the pandemic, there has been an even greater shift toward online learning. In an August 2020 Faith & Leadership interview with ATS Executive Director, Frank Yamada, he referred to the newly adopted accreditation Standards saying: 

... we changed residency requirements. With these new standards, there are only residency requirements for the Ph.D. program, and all the other degree programs no longer have residency requirements ... it provides schools the flexibility to be able to do, for example, more online distance education at this time. (Read the full article here)

Yamada acknowledges the heightened need for online education during the pandemic. With the new Standards, even more schools are able to shift courses and programs online. 

With the rapid uptick in Internet theological education, how are programs of pastoral formation affected? Even more importantly, how does this educational milieu affect ministerial students?

Consider attending the Wesley Symposium this year. It's free and you might find some answers to those questions.