Love must be sincere

Romans 12:9 is clear: love must be sincere. But it's easier said than done.

Thomas Merton linked sincerity and love in his book, No Man Is an Island. He writes: 

If my will acts as the servant of the truth, consecrating my whole soul to what the intelligence has seen, then I will be sanctified by the truth. I will be sincere. ‘My whole body will be lightsome’ (Matt 6:22). But if my will takes possession of truth as its master, as if the truth were my servant, as if it belonged to me by right of conquest, then I will take it for granted that I can do with it whatever I please. This is the root of all falsity. …In the end, the problem of sincerity is a problem of love… And the secret of sincerity is, therefore, not to be sought in a philosophical love for abstract truth but in a love for real people and real things—a love for God apprehended in the reality around us. (Merton, 197-198).

Sincere love is expressed in the relationships we have with others. It includes arresting direct lies, about things we have or have not done, but also goes beyond by addressing the things we tell ourselves and others. If my will acts as, what Merton calls, "a servant of the truth" then I'm not spinning stories or speaking niceties just so I look better in the eyes of others. I should be self-aware enough to name the truth, even if it leaves me looking weak or incompetent. 

I had a colleague friend stop and ask me a few weeks ago, "How are you?" Normally, I'd say "doing well!" or something like that. But that day was different. I responded honestly and said, "I'm not doing very well." That led to an exchange about some things that I was wrestling with. He didn't laugh or judge but did something surprising; he opened up about his life too. 

Loving and being loved start with sincerity. After "Love must be sincere", Romans 12:9-10 goes on to say, "Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love." That kind of love for others and with others only comes from truth, honesty, and sincerity.  

 

"Pastoral work requires a small community"

I wrapped up listening to the Mars Hills podcast this week. In the midst of swirling thoughts and lamenting over that community's rise and fall, another large church scandal hit the headlines. Only days ago the teaching pastor of a large, well known, Ontario church resigned due to an abuse of authority and sexual harassment; what he called an "adulterous relationship". Now, this church joins Mars Hill, Willow Creek, Harvest Bible Chapel, and countless other megachurches that have said goodbye to their pastors because those same leaders' ethics and values were at odds with the Good News they preached.

I'm not surprised. It reminds me of something Eugene Peterson wrote in his July 2, 1990 journal entry, captured in his authorized biography, A Burning In My Bones, by Winn Collier. Pastor Eugene penned himself a dire warning about unencumbered church growth:

I'm about to be dogmatic on one detail in this: good, authentic, pastoral work--the working out of vocational holiness--cannot be done in a large congregation. It requires a small community. "Big" introduces dynamics and perceptions that destroy intimacies. I am willing to concede occasional exceptions--but only in exceptions--never as models. We must repudiate the desirability of the large congregation and the so-called professional staff. 500 is top number. (Collier, 194)

Did you catch that part in the middle? "Perceptions that destroy intimacies". The bigger a church grows, the more power becomes consolidated in a smaller group of people who make big decisions in order to prevent expansion constraints. That smaller group of people allow the leader to isolate himself (I thought about writing him/herself but I am not aware of any female megachurch pastors who have been in this situation) from those who may otherwise challenge them. Without those who challenge, the isolated leader starts to believe they "deserve" to be treated differently or they are allowed to take liberties that others cannot or should not. Their perception about themselves and their churches gets skewed. Intimacy with real people erodes and, well, you know how the rest of the story unfolds.

I had the opportunity to pastor a church of close to 500 people and recently my wife and I co-pastored a much smaller church. Both had their celebrations and challenges. Usually the challenges came in the form of resistance. Getting resistance and push back feels deflating. Sometimes humiliating. But I'm grateful for those who resisted, pushed back, and made my life difficult. They were God's gifts to me and the church. While it was difficult to see at the time, I see how important they were in my vocational holiness. They kept me humble and made me holy. And, as I rubbed them the wrong way, I may have been helping some of them become more holy too. Spiritual growth happens when pastor and people worship in this environment. It may be difficult but so is the way of the cross. This sort of tension is not a great way to grow a church numerically but it keeps a pastor and a church humble. And, according to Jesus and the Scriptures, humility isn't a bad attribute to aim for.  

Thanks Eugene and Jan!